It Never Really Is Goodbye
by AbominableToast
Summary: "...When I think that the end will arrive someday   That's when I hope that the night sky will keep your smile" - So, good night, but it will never be goodbye.  A Mikuo/Rin one-shot about remembering,reaching and love.


Time ticked away, seconds flew by, my minutes, my hours.

But my thoughts remained.

I put the palm of my hand flat against the window and watched as an imprint condensed into the reflection of my face. City lights flashed and blinked; bright colors that didn't disorient me anymore—no, they only reminded me.

Reminded me of who I had become.

A soft, self-loathing laugh escaped my lips. Who I had become.

A celebrity, a superstar, an idol. I've become everything I had dreamed to become.

So why was it not enough? Why did I feel empty?

The cold began to seep into my skin but I welcomed the numbing burn. Instead I pressed my hand harder into the glass, clenched my teeth, willed myself not to throw another lamp—not to cry _again_.

Every part of me screamed and shouted," _Do something! Do something! You know what you need. You know__** who **__you need."_

_Who _I need. I need her.

I need her.

I could feel a cold smile worm its way onto my face. Of course I knew that.

I've known that for _so _long.

It hurt to know it.

It hurt to think about it.

It hurt to remember _every single second of it._

Happiness.

How long ago was it since I've felt real happiness?

I closed my eyes and remembered.

Her soft golden hair, her crystal-blue eyes—she always laughed and sang.

And sang and sang and sang.

How long ago was that?

How _long_ ago was the last time I touched her face? Her hair? Seen her smile, laugh?

A long time ago.

A long time ago when I was simply a kid with a dream bigger than myself; when she was simply my best friend's little sister. It was easier then. It was easier to fall in love. Not to admit it though. I never admitted it. Not to anyone. Not to her—least of all to myself.

I was admitting it now though. Now it's easier to admit it—hell, I've acknowledged it since I started to remember I had to actually _live_.

I had to stop pretending. The joy of singing had dimmed into a wavering ember—I couldn't continue to pretend.

I remember I used to love to sing. I used to sing and sing until my throat was raw and my voice was gone but I loved it still.

Especially when she sang with me.

Our voices melded with each other's; soaring higher than anything; stretching farther than the land, the ocean, the sky. She used to smile and laugh and we talked long into the night about our life, the future; I remember I used to think about our future—if we had one. We used to fall asleep at the break of dawn, our hands intertwined and smiles on our faces. And we'd wake up that way and stayed that way until her brother came to meet us. Flustered, we'd separate but I always caught her hand every now and again through the day. And she'd give me that sweet smile that gave me a natural high every time I saw it. Day after day, I lived for singing and for my dream. And day after day, I lived for her; to see her smile and laugh and to watch the sun set and rise with her, hands clasped tightly together.

My hand slipped from the glass and fell onto my lap. I spiraled out of my happy place and came crashing back down to reality.

I stared at my hand. It was numb and cold.

I cradled it in the crook of my arm and gazed out onto the spread of blinking lights.

"_SOS" _,they read out, "_save me."_

I closed my eyes, pain wracking my heart. Yes.

Please save me.

* * *

><p>I walked down the snow-covered sidewalk, watching as my breath came out in thick clouds of steam. It twisted and twirled upwards until it faded into nothingness.<p>

Nothing, nothing.

I bit back a tear and continued on my way. People brushed past me, happily unaware but still happy.

Happiness…it eluded me. I watched another cloud disappear into the inky sky in regret.

"Godspeed." I whispered.

I listened to my boots clomp against the pavement; I listened to the cars whiz by, trailing white behind them as they passed; I listened to the laughter, to the cold, to the snow falling and wished I could sing.

Sing and sing.

I'd stand still and I'd open my mouth and I'd sing. Sing so loud that it would drown out the bitter sounds of happiness and winter; of my own heart pounding and breaking.

Louder, higher, farther…

"…than the oceans…you said we would go farther than anyone…higher and higher still I climb, looking for you…where could you be? Where am I now…without you?" I murmured in time to my lonely footsteps and my cracking heart. My tinny voice disappeared as soon as it fell off my lips, like my breath.

I stopped, looked up and watched the city lights flash and blink.

I laughed. It was almost as if they were sending out an SOS.

_Help me. Help me._ In green and blue and red LED.

_Save me, help me too. _I called back in my heart.

I waited for a moment, actually believing I would be saved, liberated.

But all that answered me was the same message, the same hopelessness and silence. I laughed and took another step forward. Of course.

Snow fell all around me and on me, coating my coat in a fine layer of dusty white.

It was cold but I embraced it.

Let me feel numb. Unfeeling.

For just a moment, please.

It's the last night.

I shed my glove and reached to the sky with my palm outstretched. Snowflake after snowflake landed, quickly melting until my hand was wet, cold, numb.

I smiled.

Let me hold your hand once more.

Let me see your smile once more.

Let me wake up beside you for one more morning, my hands entwined with yours as I watch you sleep with a gentle smile on your face.

Can we sing once more together?

Can we have one more day together?

Can I see your face once more?

I let my hand sink down.

I didn't put my glove back on.

Instead, I started to walk again.

Please…

Suddenly, the lights above me formed an image. I looked up and found myself staring at…you.

I froze and traced your every feature. Your teal hair and your deep eyes—they're still the same.

Are you still the same?

Do you remember me?

And then you opened your mouth and you began to sing.

You sing and I could hear you to the very core of me—I could hear you resonating inside of my heart. Warm tears ran down my face.

The same voice.

Something inside of me broke and I opened my mouth and I began to sing along with you, our voices melding into one.

I will sing louder and higher and farther until I reach you.

This is the last night. But this isn't goodbye.

_Last night, good night _

_Last night, good night _

_When I think that the end will arrive someday _

_That's when I hope that the night sky will keep your smile_

_Good night_

* * *

><p><strong>AbomiT: <strong>This one-shot is pretty ambiguous. It can be applied to any pairing you want but somehow Mikuo and Rin really got to me. Maybe it's because they really are so far away in reality and no one really considers this side of them.

It was strange to write this because most of it really did come from my heart.

The song is called "Last Night,Good Night" by Miku.I really recommend you listen to it while you read this.

This song just gets to me like no other.

I hope you enjoyed it because I know I really enjoyed writing it.


End file.
